Chapter 4 – I made a mistake

It had been a difficult decision to leave teaching but I wanted a job that would give me structure and routine with less stress and free up my evenings so that I could work on Travelling Ava. I was working on a community project that was already in it’s second phase. I was picking up the piece of a project that had been paused for about 6 months and I had no clue what I was doing. 

Two weeks of doing the job I knew I had made the wrong decision, this wasn’t the job for me but everything happens for the reason and we trust the universe. Just as I was figuring it out COVID hit and I was running the project and working as a volunteer for the COVID hub and this was stressful and scary. This 18 month period was challenging, a steep learning curve and I learned a lot from doing this job. The skills and knowledge I gained during this time are invaluable. When I was thinking about my future though I knew I wanted to be back in education. Gradually over this time I was doing less and less for Travelling Ava. I wasn’t feeling creative during this time, I wasn’t managing my anxiety and I was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. 

The project had been renewed but I made the decision to leave. I didn’t have another job, but I had enough savings in the bank to take some time off. I knew I needed a break. I had worked relentlessly since leaving school, I hadn’t stopped, everytime I planned to stop I found some new project or goal to work towards. 

I had spent a lot of COVID isolated from my family. My auntie’s cancer had returned and we knew every minute left was precious. The decision to walk away from this job was one of the most important decisions I have ever made. This was time I spent with my family, creating precious memories with auntie.

This also became a time for stillness and reflection. For this first time I was focusing on what I needed. I didn’t have a plan, I didn’t know what I was going to do next but I did have a goal. I started to manage my anxiety properly, I started to reflect on my journey, slowly returning to the things that brought me joy and made my soul happy. 

I did a lot of journaling during this time. I hadn’t given up on Travelling Ava and publishing my patterns and writing my stories. One of the habits I had developed training to be a teacher was to reflect on my lessons and evaluate what had gone well and what needed to be improved. I don’t like to dwell in the past but I do find it useful to reflect back. To think about the experiences I have had and what I have learned from them. I need time to process my thoughts and space to capture my ideas. Journaling is one of the tools I use to manage my anxiety, not the only one but this one has been the .most useful Even when I wasn’t feeling creative I kept journaling and collecting things that inspire me, snippets of ideas, thoughts, reflections. All of these were waiting for me when I was ready to return to them. 

I took 6 months off work and spent a lot of that time reflecting on my journey. I went all the way back to 2012 in my journals and diaries and thought deeply about the things I wanted to leave behind and the things I wanted to carry forward. 

I worked on my ideas for Travelling Ava and started to pull together a collection of crochet patterns and writing stories. I had created an island called the Isle of Neverwas, somewhere Travelling Ava could visit her friends for magical adventures. 

However, I still needed to pay the bills. During my time working on the community project I had set up a pilot programme called Brighter Futures to help build the skills of young people not in education. I loved working on this project and I knew in my heart I wanted to go back into education, but I didn’t want to return to teaching. 

I found a full-time job. This time it was a non-teaching role as a head of year. I didn’t have much experience in pastoral roles, but my experiences, knowledge and skills from my job managing the community project proved useful for looking after 180 teenagers. It was still a steep learning curve.

Thank you so much for reading to my story so far, it continues next week with Chapter 5. Take care beautiful daydreamer.